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Jokes You Wouldn’t Want to Tell

During which age did the mummies first live?

The band-age.

What has six legs, four ears and a shining suit of armour?

A king on horseback.

What is an astronaut’s favourite part of a computer keyboard?

The space bar.

What did William the Conqueror say when he saw himself in the completed Bayeux Tapestry?

Well, I’ll be darned!

Why did Henry VIII have so many wives?

He liked to chop and change.

How did the ancient Romans cut their hair?

With a pair of Caesars.

Why did the Queen put a bank machine in every castle?

For knightly deposits.

What is a mummy’s favourite kind of coffee?


What’s King Tutankhamen’s favourite brand of chicken?

King Tut-key Fried Chicken.

What do you call a Scottish monster that hangs people?

The Loch Noose monster.

The genius inventor of predictive text has sadly died.

His funny will be help on Saturn.

What did the sign in the Egyptian museum say?

Satisfaction guaranteed or your mummy back.

Where did Julius Caesar keep his armies?

Up his sleevies!

How did the Vikings send secret messages?

Norse Code!

How do you find a princess in the forest?

You follow her ‘foot prince’.

What do you call the little rivers that flow into the Nile?


The inventor of the throat lozenge died last week.

There was no coffin at the funeral.

What did Shakespeare say when deciding which pencil to use?

2B or not 2B, that is the question.

What time do astronauts eat?

At launch time.